It's around 4:00 a.m. I wake up in a dark room. The only stream of dim light coming from the fish tank in the next room. A few whining aches coming from my 3d puzzle of a body. I wiggle, argue with the blanket, wiggle some more & finally land flat on my back. I'm acutely aware of my grizzly bear/husband sleeping soundly. Starting to think about all the hours he's putting in at work I begin praying. I'm just not sure what to pray for. The Lord has blessed us with all the overtime he's been able to get to support our family. Without it we would be in financial peril. My husband though is now only a shell. He's exhausted, sleep deprived & in a perpetual robotic state. At this point his life is a series of forced actions. Get up, get dressed, drive 45 minutes, put in 12 excruciating hours, drive 45 minutes home, sit, sleep, repeat. I come to the realization that I don't know what to pray for. I begin to pray for guidance, citing only what I can be sure of. I miss my husband. Lord, please help him to wake up feeling rested. Lord, please show me how to pray for my husband without mocking the blessings you've bestowed on us.
His alarm goes off. It's time to start his day again. He rolls over onto his back & hits the snooze button. I snuggle up underneath his arm. I'm still praying at this point and the tears are coming. The guilt of putting him in the position
to have to work so much is weighing on me. He wakes up hearing the snooze button again & notices me crying. "What's wrong baby?" "I just miss you", I answer. He moves again a little closer. "We're supposed to be off this weekend." Relief, sweet relief. I'm thinking about how I'll get to see him and how he can rest all weekend.
I'm up. Might as well get up. Morning routine; roll on into the living room. Decide whether to sit in the cold but comfortable recliner or the warm but uncomfortable sofa. It's freezing inside, sofa wins. Flip, flip, flip, oh this looks okay. It hits me. He's done it again. He's answered my prayers. He gave me the prayer to pray and He's answered it. My husband is off work this weekend. Lord, why didn't it occur to me to thank you the minute he told me he'd be off? Lord why, after everything, am I still not thinking of You first. Lord, forgive me for my, what's the word? Slowness, ignorance? I'm not sure the word but what I am sure of is that I want to put Him first in my life. In His right position. Going before me in everything I do. Lord, help me to live for you. That's it, that's what I want. I want to live my whole life for Him.
I've never done that. I don't even know how to do that. I do know the One that will show me the way. I'm so excited. I'm excited for life. I've never felt that before.
The Lord is going to take care of Anthony. I know he will. I don't understand how or what is going to happen but I know He is taking care of us. I may not know what is going to happen and I may not understand it when it does but I know we're going to be okay. We're going to thrive. Thank you Lord.
